By Stacy Bremner, MA, RP
A Glimpse of Deep Connection
I recently returned from a conference with fellow Imago Relationship Therapists. These gatherings are more than professional development—they’re opportunities to experience the kind of connection we strive to foster in our work. The highlight for me is always Communologue, a structured group Dialogue with eight participants. Each person shares in turn, and with each round, the depth of sharing and connection grows.
I wish everyone could experience this kind of presence. As humans, we all long to connect, to be understood, and to feel that we matter—that our voice is heard.
The Climate of Disconnection
And yet, the world around us feels increasingly fractured. Controversial topics—beginning with COVID and vaccines and now extending into politics—have deepened our divides. We feel this on many levels: at home, with friends, family, and colleagues.
Why are we at odds? Because we care so deeply. I truly see the fears and intense caring from everyone. Yet when we’re unable to explore what’s underneath our stance, assumptions take root—and misunderstandings follow.
🪞Reflective Questions for Connection
Here are a few gentle questions to explore within yourself:
- Have I noticed a shift in my relationships?
- Am I making others feel uncomfortable or unsafe to share their opinions?
- Do I feel threatened by opposing beliefs?
- Have I slipped into more of an “us vs. them” mentality?
- What ideas am I holding onto that may be keeping me unhappy?
- Am I able to shift towards curiosity about myself or others?
These questions aren’t about blame—they’re about opening space for reflection and healing.
💬 What Therapy Has Taught Me
After more than two decades as a psychotherapist, I’ve come to believe that beneath the surface, every person is likeable and lovable. In couples therapy, I often witness behavior that raises eyebrows—but we open up a space to explore the deeper context. Every action has roots. We think and behave as we do for a reason.
Of the perhaps thousands of people I’ve worked with, I can count on one hand those I’ve genuinely disliked. Sometimes clients feel I’m not the right fit—but that’s usually about style or unmet needs, not about who I am. As therapists, we practice the “safe and effective use of self,” which means staying focused on the client and only sharing our own vulnerabilities when it serves the therapeutic process. Clients may not know my story, but they can sense whether I’m safe.
🧠 The Illusion of Knowing
Social media amplifies curated personas. We see images and opinions, but rarely the person behind them. We seldom get the chance to sit down, ask questions, and understand what shaped their beliefs.
Instead, we fall into binary thinking:
Us = good. Them = bad.
This mindset erodes empathy and curiosity—and with it, our humanity. But what I have also learned is that our human brains naturally help us gravitate towards a safe person and away from someone who seems different.
Over the past few years, I’ve watched friends and family become angry and distant. I’ve felt unsafe expressing my deeper beliefs and passions. When sensitive topics arise, curiosity is low and assumptions are high. I do my best to keep my connections going, yet I notice it takes more effort than ever before.
I know I’m not alone in caring about this growing divide, and so this blog includes ideas to help us bridge the gap.
🧩 Therapeutic Tools for Dialogue
Imago therapy offers powerful tools for healing these divides. Whether in couples work or community settings, we emphasize the value of curiosity and connection.
- Imago Dialogue creates a safe structure for listening and being heard.
- Communologue extends this into group settings, allowing each voice to be honored in turn.
- We teach prevalidation—the idea that everyone makes sense, even before they speak.
- We help people avoid MasterTalk—speaking as if we know best or hold the “right” view.
These practices foster emotional safety and mutual respect. They’re not just for therapists—they’re for anyone seeking to move beyond polarization and into deeper understanding.
If you’re curious, many Imago therapists offer workshops, trainings, and community dialogues. You may also find local organizations doing similar bridge-building work. Explore what feels safe and meaningful for you.
🕊️ An Invitation to Curiosity
Next time you encounter someone who seems to be on “the other side,” pause. Breathe. Move into a calm and curious stance. Ask a question. Listen. Refrain from commenting. Take a breath, then ask a deeper question. Listen again. You might discover shared values beneath the surface.
Politics aside, here’s a simple example where curiosity and listening could bring helpful connections: a daughter who eats plant-based and a father who eats meat may passionately disagree, creating ongoing tension in the family. The father doesn’t understand, and the daughter feels criticized and defensive. But if they sit down and get curious about what’s underneath their choices, they may find they both care deeply about health, the planet, and well-being. Their choices reflect different paths toward similar goals.
🌸 A Gentle Practice
Curiosity around politics or lifestyle may not be an easy shift, so feel free to start with something light.
My favorite season is spring, and I have lifelong reasons for that. A dear friend of mine loves winter. I realized I had no idea why. So I invited her to share her thoughts. When I read her reflections, I felt expanded, touched, and uplifted. I learned something new about someone I love—and I might even like winter more now, seeing it through her eyes.
That’s the gift of curiosity: expansion, connection, and unexpected joy.
💞 Where Healing Begins
Let’s resist the urge to categorize and condemn. Let’s choose curiosity over judgment. That’s where healing begins. It’s not about agreeing—it’s about understanding.
What I say to couples who initially disagree so vehemently is this:
“There is wisdom on both sides.”
“There are no bad people here—just frightened people doing their best to survive.”
If you’re looking for a place to start, consider reaching out to an Imago therapist or attending a local dialogue circle. You might also explore Braver Angels, a national organization devoted to helping people on opposing sides connect and listen. Their webinar, How to Become Politically Anti-Fragile, offers thoughtful insights into how the Us vs. Them dynamic gets created—and how we can move beyond it.
🌟 Becoming the Change
Now is a powerful moment to embody the values we speak about—to practice what we preach and become the change we wish to see. It’s not always easy, but meaningful support is available, whether through a therapist, coach, or community organization.
Let’s get curious.